


Panda Hazing

by nagi_schwarz



Series: Comment Fic 2017 [31]
Category: Stargate Atlantis
Genre: Gen, Zoo
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-03-15
Updated: 2017-03-15
Packaged: 2018-10-05 16:55:08
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 779
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10312841
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/nagi_schwarz/pseuds/nagi_schwarz
Summary: Written for the comment_fic prompt: "Stargate Multiverse, Any, Zoo AU" and inspired by a video of a woman being bothered by baby pandas while she tries to sweep the leaves in their enclosure.





	

"Are you sure?" Rodney asked. "That just seems - cruel." But he made no move to help Evan as Evan headed for the panda enclosure with a broom, a dustpan, and a wicker basket in tow.  
  
John stood back, arms crossed over his chest. "Look, if Evan's going to be part of the panda program, he has to prove he's tough enough to hack it. Ambassador Shen is really picky about the pandas, and you know how Director Woolsey gets when Ambassador Shen starts breathing down his neck."  
  
Teyla was watching as well. "This seems like hazing. Elizabeth just had a staff meeting about no more hazing."'  
  
"She was talking about Zelenka and Kusanagi and the other herpetologists." John waved a dismissive hand. "Now c'mon, let's see how he does."  
  
The truth about the baby pandas was that they were adorable, but they were also incredibly agile, and they were like children. Curious, incorrigible children. Evan had barely made it two steps into the enclosure before one of them pounced on his broom, the other pounced on his dustpan, a third crawled into the basket, and the fourth wrapped itself around his right leg.  
  
What followed was a downright comical endeavor, with all of Evan's progress with one thing (retrieving the broom) undone as soon as his back was turned (the other panda going for the dustpan) and yet something else undone again (the last two pandas knocking over the basket full of just-swept leaves).  
  
John and Rodney had had a full year to learn how best to navigate the baby panda enclosure, and the key was, quite simply, not to go in alone. One person distracted the pandas, the other person got the sweeping done, and all was well. But watching Evan try to haul one panda out of the basket while the other tried to climb his leg was hilarious, and Rodney could only imagine how the feed for the cameras in the panda enclosure was probably exploding with hits.  
  
It took Evan three times as long to sweep up the enclosure as it normally took John and Rodney (or Rodney and Teyla, or John and Teyla), but finally he managed to get the broom and dustpan out (by flinging them over the wall of the enclosure) and get himself out (by distracting the pandas on the other side of the enclosure from the door) with the basket in tow.  
  
He sank against the wall of the shed, red-faced and sweating. But he straightened up as soon as he saw John, smiled, not displaying an ounce of the irritation Rodney had felt after he'd been forced to the clean enclosure alone in his first week.  
  
"Not a problem, sir," he said, and he ambled over to the dumpster to dispose of the leaves.  
  
Sure enough, at staff meeting that week, Elizabeth reported an increase in traffic to the Panda Cams, and also reiterated her warning against hazing (though Kusanagi and Zelenka looked a little sheepish and Kavanagh was noticeably absent from among the herpetologists).  
  
When Rodney, Teyla, and John assembled beside the panda enclosure the next week to watch Evan sweep up the fallen leaves, they were joined by Ronon, Amelia, and Chuck from the dromedary pens.  
  
Rodney rubbed his hands together gleefully. "Here we go!"  
  
Sure enough, Evan appeared at the door of the enclosure, armed with a broom, dustpan, and basket. He let himself in and was immediately beset with baby pandas pawing at his tools.   
  
"Look," Amelia whispered, "one of them's already in the basket."

But then Evan leaned down and handed one of the baby pandas something Rodney couldn't quite make out. He handed out more of the items to the rest of the pandas, and to Rodney's amazement, all of the pandas abandoned Evan and went to play in the grass.  
  
With little soccer balls.  
  
Evan swept up the leaves quickly and efficiently, and he managed to get the basket, broom, and dust pan out of door before the baby pandas realized he was about to abandon them. Instead of ducking out quickly, Evan closed the door and knelt down beside it.  
  
And the baby pandas swarmed him. He hugged each of them, and they _gave the soccer balls back_ , and then he let himself out of the enclosure. He was whistling as he put his tools back in the shed, took the leaves over to the dumpster.  
  
Rodney gaped.  
  
Evan walked past, headed for the break room, and he winked.  
  
Traffic for the Panda Cams nearly crashed the zoo website, Elizabeth reported at the next weekly staff meeting.  
  
Parrish and Katie asked if Evan could help clean the chimpanzee enclosure next week.


End file.
